Age play is such an emotionally loaded topic, both for those who prefer it as well as those who are uncomfortable or even repelled by the notion. I hesitated to begin this discussion on a blog post. But I have faith in my readers that I will get interesting and insightful comments and questions, and there won’t be a flame war to put down.
It is precisely that it is controversial that it needs to be discussed. But what prompted me to discuss it now is because I realized, after getting requests for spanking stories that featured minors and having recently ventured close to that territory, that there’s a deeper reason for the controversy other than the fact that most of us really want to protect children from sexual exploitation.
The spanking-meme question that comes to my mind is, “Were you spanked as a kid? … growing up?” I have that as a question in my mind quite often, but even among dedicated spankophiles it’s still hard to ask it. Despite knowing the disposition of each others private body parts at a given hour, that still seems like an intrusive question to us. But we really want to know the answer… really, really…
Of course there are exceptions. No meme is universal, that I know of. The big question is why? This is where I’d love to get your responses to such a huge question, almost as huge as “Why do we have the kinks we have?” or “Why spanking?”
But as you might expect, I have a theory or two… Based only on research into my own fantasy world and thought patterns, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s all about the connection between our fantasies and reality. It’s not by accident, of course, that I’m much more likely to ask ‘the question’ of an attractive woman. And I know that it’s not that I want to imagine her, at age ten, getting a spanking – at least not for sexual reasons. It’s more that I want to connect the adult woman I see before me, with the idea that she knows what a spanking feels like, both physically and emotionally. I want to relate to her on that emotional level, as well as relating within a mutual understanding of spanking. And I do believe spanking is understood or not. It is not simply repeatedly hitting the buttocks. We all know it’s more than that, even if we can’t really define it fully in words.
And two, childhood is for most of us where it all started. I’ve often wondered if us spankos or kinksters in general have a correlation with earlier development of sexual feelings. As a future psychologist, this is one of the studies I’m hoping to be involved with. I think our people are in need of more and better information about ourselves and should have access to more kink-friendly caregivers.
My first memory of arousal was when I was five years old and it was due to witnessing a little girl spanked over a teacher’s lap. The teacher had pulled her skirt up, exposing her panties. Now that I look back on it, I see how highly inappropriate the teacher’s actions were, but for me this marked the beginning of a journey and a quest that I’m still on – a quest to understand the origins and meanings of that experience as it continues to manifest in various forms in my life. In examining my life using various internal and external modalities, like story writing, fantasy, philosophical thought, discussion, songwriting, etc. I do have to necessarily re-visit myself and my various counterparts as we were at the age of that first experience, up through the present, and imagining the future – future us and future humans in general. In the course of those re-visits I will say that many of the feelings appropriate to those times well up within me.
But this brings us back to the essential problem, which is that some of those special feelings around corporal punishment; witnessing or receiving it or thinking about it later or talking about it with friends or journaling about it… Some of those feelings are sexual and we just are not comfortable with associating children with sexual feelings, whether that means considering whether they have them or not or considering their association with an activity that for us as adults is sexual.
Just so you understand my personal guidelines with regard to writing spanking fiction that have minor aged characters. I will never associate their punishments with their sexual feelings nor the sexual feelings of those who are punishing them or any witnesses to the event. I’m unlikely to write about minors’ sexual feelings at all.
Now I realize I’ve not talked at all about the “play” part of ‘age play’ and that’s because I’m relying on commenters to the blog to tell me more. I’m not into age play and I haven’t tried it, so anything I think about it would be speculative at best, misleading at worst. With that understanding, I can imagine a level of fulfillment coming from the opportunity to re-live those special times of life as mentioned above, but in the context of a new relationship that you chose to be in and presumably would be… what? … more fair, you can spank or get spanked the ‘right’ way, trust and be trusted, etc. I can definitely see the appeal from that point of view. Please tell me more.